Desperate For A Cashpoint

Posted: May 1, 2014 in Schooldays




I am in a car with Dave and Kay, schoolfriends who are driving me about as part of fellow schoolfriend Woz’s 28th birthday spectacular. It’s been 10 years since we’ve really all been in each other’s lives, and Dave has impressed me.


He has a car.


With a big windscreen.


I’m loving it, and manage to extend my ride in it by asking Dave if we can stop off at a cashpoint so I can get some money out to pay him back for dinner.


Dave smiles.


“We’ll go to the big Asda. There’ll definitely be some cashpoints there.”


We wage Star Trek-knowledge war in front of a very bored Kay before arriving at the big Asda, and Dave is a man, therefore parks as far away from the entrance as physically possible.


“There’ll be a cashpoint on the wall somewhere, Dan. If not this one then it’ll be round the side somewhere.”


I nod to Kay, and feel like a secret agent. I’m on a mission. I have to get the goods. And I am licensed to do whatever it takes to find my £10.


As long as it’s legal.


And normal.


I sigh. And walk the long car park walk to the doors, scanning the long Asda outer wall for holes in the wall. I find none, and look at my watch. The bonfire will be starting any time now, and we need to get there to re-join Woz and his merry band of men with girls’ names. Time is running out. And I need to make this happen! I scan the length of the Asda wall, and imagine how big this building really is. It’s huge. And I could be walking the entire way round just to find a cashpoint. This needs wisdom.


And I’m ace.


I decide to make an executive decision, and cut my losses. I reach the front doors, and revolve my way inside, before grabbing an apple and latching onto a queue for a till. I will pay for an apple on card, and get cashback.


I smile. No unnecessary waiting for me!


I pop the apple down on the conveyor belt, and zoom my wallet out of my pocket. I whip the card out and hold it in position.






Waiting for the person in front of me.


The only person in front of me.


To finish paying.


To finish… pulling a coupon booklet out of her pocket.


To finish… examining in detail each individual coupon to see how many penny discounts she could get off her £100 food bill! I am in a hurry, and angry. I decide to be passive-passive-aggressive. It’ll be legal and normal. I can do this!


And she’ll probably never know.


I muster all my energy, and don’t give her a look that tuts.


She definitely saw.


I sigh, and watch as Dave and Kay’s car wheels over to the Asda front doors. They’re sensing the end of time, and have parked appropriately.


Finally the woman finishes choosing coupons and takes her slightly discounted slough away from my superior time management ways. I thrust my card into it’s card-shaped slot and press the numbers.


I get them right, and the deal is done. Only I have sacrificed 45p.


I sigh.


If only I had some coupons.


I sense time running away from me, and decide to chase it.


I peg it.


And hear someone shouting.


I turn, and see an out of breath young man holding my £10 cashback.


Oh yeah!




I thank him, and burst out of the shop and into Dave and Kay’s car from the future.


“Where were you?”




“Where did you go?”


“To go and get some money out.”


“From inside?”






Dave smiles, and points to my left as we drive away.


To some cashpoints.


On the other side of the revolving front doors. A metre and a half from where I was standing.


I sigh, and pay him back, tossing the apple to Kay.


I smile.


And ask Dave who played Neelix.



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