The Big Day Out

Posted: November 1, 2013 in Back To The Edge

the big day out

It is 7am. On a Saturday. And there’s no need for that. Unless you’re going to Manchester. Which we are. Me and Big Boots. Because who wouldn’t go to Manchester? I mean, come on. It has The Arndale.

A food court.

I am awake but still in bed, watching Buffy; whose ability to get me up is uncanny. Big Boots has told me to be in the car for half 7. I’m glad, because I’ve been to Manchester before, and it’d take hours to walk. That’s definitely too long, even for a food court. I decide to grab a snack for breakfast and head for the beast. Which is The Bootssmith’s car. Regardless of how not beastly it is. He’s planned to avoid city parking fees by parking outside the city and training in, saving fifteen quid. Today is planned. Planned by The Cobbler.

Nothing can go wrong.

It is later, and we are parked. Pegasus Bridge and Carlos Santana have sped up time, and we’re here early. I look at my packed lunch. My Cornish pasties. My sausage rolls. And my sandwiches. And suddenly realise. We’re going to the Arndale! And it’sfar too early for elevenses! It is unneededfood. Which makes it a challenge! I only manage to force half of it into my face, but smile. For today’s planned. And no surprise meals can defeat us! Today nothing shall go wrong! I grab my phone, and realise that I put it down in the car and nearly forgot to pick it back up. I probably shouldn’t be without my phone in Manchester. What if someone shoots me in the pocket?

We buy tickets and sit on a platform bench. I sit awkwardly, and soon my phone is ringing. I pick it up, and see the word ‘mom’ on screen.

Hi Mom.”

Nothing. Oh. My phone has decided to fake call itself. It’s uncomfortable in my bum pocket, so I put it by my side on the floor. Corn On The Cob runs through the plan. The train will arrive, and we’ll get off in Manchester, where the fun will begin!

“Nothing will go wrong today, Dan!”

I smile, and believe him.

The train arrives, and we Manchester.

A few minutes later we are in a train station, and decide to celebrate with a little trip to the loo. And to a cashpoint. And… oh no! …to doom! I’ve put my hand in my pocket for my card, and found… no phone! I airport-security myself and think through my steps. The cashpoint. The wizzer. The train. The bench. The fake phone call.

The fake phone call.

The fake phone call that led me to put the phone to one side by the bench. Where I forgot to pick it back up. Where it still is. Lee J. Cobb reappears, and I am filled with fanboy glee at what I need to tell him.

“We have to go back!

“Why?” Big Boots asks, as I put my shoes and belt back on and think about how much fitter Kate was than Cobbden, who immediately plots a new timetable.

We have to go back.

We go back.

And don’t find my £1 mobile. Which has pegged it. We ask the bloke selling tickets, who’s seen nothing. I sigh. And work out how expensive this will be while we wait for a train back into the city.

Which doesn’t come for another half an hour.

Shall I call it?”

I smile. Klobb is a man of logistical forethought. If anyone could intimidate a scumbag, it’s him.

Worth a try Bootso, cheers.”

Boottocks calls my phone a few times and gets the answerphone. Gah! The thief of my tuppence-technology is hiding by not picking up! I didn’t know evil geniuses really existed. The Biggest Boots In The Room senses the futility and leaves a message.

WHERE ARE YOU???”

It’s a Michael McIntyre reference, and makes me smile. As we wait for another 28 minutes for a train back into Manchester.

It is a few hours later, and we are in Manchester, buying unexpected Tim Horton’s doughnuts and riding aeroplane simulators. It is brilliant, but we have suffered grief. First we lost my phone, and then the detour meant we didn’t have time to go to the Arndale. Something that no amount of hundreds and thousands can win back. Unless they all have guns. But they’d have to be tiny guns, that are activated by thoughts, because hundreds and thousands have no limbs. Or thoughts. So maybe they just couldn’t use the guns.

Big Boots’ phone rings.

Someone’s calling me.”

“Uh huh.”

“It’s you.”

What?”

I look at my hands. I’m definitely not calling him. I’m not even waving. He shows me his phone, and a picture of me screaming at Martin the goalkeeper. It’s the pudding proof. I feel like John Travolta, or the other one. Steve Ogrizovic.

That was the guy at the station. Someone’s handed in your phone.”

“What, are you serious?!”

We head home and pick up the phone. I have a message. From my voicemail. Which says I have a new message. I dial voicemail.

You have a new message. And eight saved messages. First saved message…”

WHERE ARE YOU???”

Huh.

You did it! Nice job!”

We drive home. And stop off at a food court.

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Comments
  1. William says:

    Whenever you say “Nothing will go wrong”, something does, doesn’t it? Well, mishaps make for entertaining stories… 😀

  2. Si tout est bon pour faire des sous, tout est bon pour dénoncer le viol des lois .

    Et d’ informer vos lecteurs et visiteurs
    Merci.

    A DIFFUSER PARTOUT – TO PUBLISH EVERYWERE
    Please, if you do not understand french, come to us , we shall help you.

    Pegasus Bridge – YouTube
    Françoise Gondrée fondatrice du Musée de Pegasus Bridge.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqaYPBJ0Z34

    ,
    Le Musée de Pegasus Bridge

    Vous remercie de l’intérêt que vous portez à son Musée de Pegasus Bridge qui doit sa notoriété aux acteurs du 6 Juin qui l’ont créé à titre de reconnaissance insigne avec Françoise Gondrée en 1969 , fondatrice, le Haut Patronage, une équipe de bénévoles pendant tant d’années et qui est toujours en activité .

    Si les donataires avaient jugé utile de donner leur collections au Comité du Débarquement, ils l’auraient fait. Ils avaient leur raison !

    Ils doivent reposer en Paix et par respect pour eux en attendant le dénouement des procédures engagées contre l’amiral Brac de La Perrière , Pdt du Comité du Débarquement, complexe politico-militaro-touristique au juteux business de sa mémoire.

    Il faut maintenant dénoncer le scandale !

    Le Musée de Pegasus Bridge dit ‘Mémorial’-par l’amiral Brac de la Perrière pour tromper le public- il s’agit bien du même Musée – dont le siège est au Musée sur la commune de Ranville – que l’amiral Brac de la Perrière a usurpé à l’Aspeg avec toutes les collections, occupe avec la connivence des institutions locales depuis plus de 10 ans.

    Il faut maintenant dénoncer le scandale !

    Si le Musée de Pegasus Bridge a toutes ses pièces, l’amiral Brac de la Perrière n’a strictement rien pour se justifier, d’où son emploi de coups bas , impostures…(aff. Independent, Berridge…)…………….. ,………d’ en faire une foire à tout….
    Notre combat depuis plus de 10 ans est toujours en cours car le Musée de Pegasus Bridge ne cédera pas aux dénis de Justice , outrages aux victimes pour plaire aux marchands de complexes militaro-politico-touristique sans Histoire et sans mémoire .

    La démocratie doit être respectée et le patrimoine rendu !

    Les élus, chacun et organismes, au courant , qui n’osent pas le dénoncer, confirment leur connivence ou leur non liberté d’expression.

    Rejoignez la liste des supporters en nous adressant un courriel/mail :museedepegasusbridge@wanadoo.fr
    en créant un lien à votre site ou blog, en signant la pétition, en diffusant partout la vérité.

    Françoise Gondrée , Présidente
    Fondatrice du Musée de Pegasus Bridge
    Pierre de Roquefeuil, Vice-Président
    Conseil d’Administration
    https://www.pegasusbridge.fr

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