Giving Up The Dream

Posted: January 15, 2013 in As If I Actually Ended Up Going To Uni, Gigs

It is Monday morning, and I am smiling. Which is unusual, but today is unusual. Today is the start of my future. Well. The continuation of my now.

It’s probably just my now.

Today… I will audition for a movie!

I’ve seen an advert for extras for a film, and Director has just announced that casting is actually for principal actors. Finally. Finally I can step up from the slimy yet satisfying world of DAB Productions into the wholesome world of professional acting.

My dream!

One of my dreams.

A random idea I had once for a couple of minutes is about to become reality! I am excited, so grab a stock monologue from the pile and begin to act it out for Deekstopher, my uni mate with equally high acting calibre. He smiles, as I declare my love for him in the hotel lobby. It’s a little bit uncomfortable, but it’s fine. Obviously in the script I’m addressing a girl. A girl that’s probably Jennifer Aniston.

I continue.

“I don’t mean to queer up our friendship.”

I smile. And read the next line. And stop smiling.

“No pun intended.”

“What do you two do then?”

There is a 70 year old woman sitting next to us. She has thankfully interrupted our private moment with a public display of reality. We announce that we are students in healthcare and computing. She seems impressed, and asks us about our acting history.

“Well, I was an extra once in a spoof cop show.”

“Oh yeah, how did it go?”

“Erm. I’m pretty sure it never got onto TV. Or even online.”


“Yeah. But it was fine, because I got to have my photo taken holding a dead goat in a body bag.”

I smile. 70 Year Old looks confused, which confuses me. I look at Deekstopher, who looks back at me, who looks back at the woman. I decide to help the situation, so say something. Anything.

“…The goat was already dead.”

Deekstopher smiles, and looks at his watch. We’ve been waiting for an hour and nobody has auditioned yet. He looks at me with his usual ‘I don’t know about you, but I’ve got assignments due in next Friday’ look.

I sigh.

For I too have assignments due soon. University. That pesky degree! Before university I had fun! All the time! Now all I do is work, and never get to wear pink berets or get physically abused by Chinese businessmen.

“I was kind of hoping this would end up as a blog, you know. Me achieving my dream of being an actor. I even successfully half-complimented The Director on his weird hoodie-waistcoat thing. That could have been an anecdote.

Big Deeks does his usual ‘humm, yes. I both see and sympathise with your plight, but have doubts that it was ever to happen.’ face.

70 Year Old pipes up.

“You mustn’t give up on your dreams, boys!”

I look at my phone. Time is literally running out!

“Well, I’d quite like to work in healthcare. You know, have a job. Be able to afford food and that.”

“Yeah but you can do it! You can make it! You’re not 70! You’ve got time!”

I think of my fun-employment. And Jobseeker’s Allowance. And all that lovely reduced.

And make a decision.

It is a year later, and I have got an e-mail. It’s the Student Union, who have offered me a gig at the NEC. I am excited.

“There’s gonna be 15,000 people there, so you’ll need to be on top of your game.”


I cough.

Fifteen thousand people?

I pause.

And look up what fifteen thousand people looks like online.

And pause again.

Eep. This is the gig of my life. Or better.

“You’ll have to turn up to 12 hours of rehearsals.”

I smile. That’s nothing! Not for the chance to play for 15,000 people! And some of them might be good ones! I carry on reading. And see the rehearsal schedule.

Next to my assignment submission deadlines.

I sigh.

And make a decision.

It is Christmas Eve, and I am alone. And probably shouldn’t be in shorts. I am looking at pictures of the NEC gig. The biggest gig of my life. The biggest gig of my life… that I rejected. I switch off the computer, and decide to stick on the TV, where I see a 70 year old woman acting in a cheap British movie that probably has Jennifer Aniston. A cheap British movie that probably has Jennifer Aniston … that I rejected.

I sigh.

I have… given up on the dream.

The dreams.

On great blogs.

On Jennifer Aniston.

And I feel great.

I smile, and take my dinner out of the oven.

As well as an apple pie.


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