I am in my bedroom, playing F-Zero X with Greenhill. We’re 16, and working out a plan to snaffle my first kiss.

I think it needs to be something relaxed. You need to meet a girl on holiday and have a bit of a holiday fling.”

I smile, for I like flinging things.

I’m going on holiday in a few weeks!”

Oh, yeah? Great!”

With Phil and Big Boots!”

Oh.”

Greenhill’s a girl man. A man that knows girls. He’s even spoken to one! And they spoke back! Greenhill has told me that I’m ready. Greenhills told me! It’s a sign! I’m ready! This is meant to be!

I smile, and ram him flying off the track.

I am on my bike with Big Boots waiting at the end of the path leading to our flashy holiday villa. We’re waiting for Phil, our joint best friend, when Big Boots gets bored of waiting.

“We’ve been waiting here for ages!

Where is he?!” says Big Boots, putting his bike down, and running back inside. I follow. And find Big Boots.

Who has found Phil.

I smile.

What are you doing in the bath, Phil?”

He looks annoyed. And soapy.

I’m trying to have a bath!”

We’re going swimming! Like, right now!”

Phil slowly and angrily abandons his bath and meets us at the hot tubs, where I’ve spotted two girls. One’s fit. And one is an armchair. I tell the boys. Who tell me where to go.

Go and speak to her!”

Oh no! Still, this is meant to be. Greenhill basically guaranteed it.

I walk over.

And panic.

Erm, hi.”

Hi!”

Do… you… ”

I pause.

“….know what time it is?”

I am the smoothest. Apart from Richard Moss. And soon the five of us are chatting. Big Boots and I are laughing, because Fay and Armchair have just guessed that Phil is 12. I smile, and am wrong. Phil’s armpits. They are the smoothest. Fay takes me to one side.

You should come out with us tonight.”

Score!

Score!”

“What?”

“Erm… Sc-sure..!”

I scarper, and tell the boys.

“This is…”

Big Boots interrupts with a sigh.

“…meant to be?”

I smile.

“Well… I was gonna say ace. But, you know… …yeah.”

I am in a bar. And this is weird. Not only because I was here last night as well (four hours too early) but I’m wearing a shirt. It’s My Brother’s, and it’s black, which means I think I’m Angel. Which means I have a chance! Fay’s just asked me a question; only I’ve been thinking about boys that have girls’ names and girls that have boys’ names, and don’t know what it was.

“I’m sorry?”

Fay stops smiling.

“I said… would you like to dance?”

Oh no!

I sigh. This is it. I am about to kiss a girl.

I get up, and bravely and reluctantly walk to the dancefloor. Fay smiles. I smile, with fear. This is uncharted! Nobody has ever got this far! Greenhill is probably grinning somewhere whilst being rammed flying off a track. I smile at the thought, until Fay finds a spot on a stage that definitely inspired The Truman Show. She dances around me as the Sugababes sing about being freaks. I smile. This is great! I’m nailing it!

This is meant to be!

You gonna dance as well, Dan?”

Hang on…

Oh no!

I’m juststanding here! Right then, come on Mohr! It’s time. Time for the sweet, sweet moves.This is your chance. It is time.

Time to fling!

I do it.

I scarper.

I am in my bedroom, playing F-Zero X with Greenhill.

How’d it go then, Dan? Did you meet a girl?”

Yeah!”

Did you kiss her…?”

Erm… no.”

What?… What happened?”

I tell him.

He sighs.

“Well Dan…”

I sigh.

“…I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”

He smiles.

And rams me flying off the track.

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