Confessions Of A Fresher – Or ‘Confreshions’

Posted: August 1, 2012 in As If I Actually Ended Up Going To Uni, Chawn, One More For Love

I am in a pub, and have just spilt my drink.

You’re gonna love uni, Dan.”

Cheers, Trucker.”

No, I mean it! You’re gonna pull loads!”

I smile. And try to hide the red bull on my trousers.

I am at my first Freshers hoedown with New Hallmate Jaideep. Neither of us know anyone, so have randomly ended up with random randomers in random situations. New Hallmate Jaideep is sitting with beautiful French women.

I am stuck with two smelly drunk blokes.

I escape. And meet a woman. We dance. And my mind darkens.

With intent.

I will take this girl… for coffee. I decide to drop the mobile number bomb. She smiles, and walks away. I smile. Trucker might be right.

I am at a games night talking to Welfare VP and eating somebody else’s pringles. She’s invited me to tonight’s official party. A woman has just invited me to a party, and I am excited! It’s at Babylon, a 90’s bar hosting a Lady GaGa night.

Lady GaGa was …alive… in the 90’s. As was I. I wonder when I will get a theme night.


I have been pounced on, by Lady In Red. She asks for my number.

I smile. Trucker was so right.

We reach Babylon and dance with limited space and not enough random meat before running out of oxygen. We move into the talk-y area and flirt.

So tell me something else I don’t know about you.”

I smile. I could literally say anything.

I nearly got into the olympics.”


Yeah. Your turn.”

She smiles, and thinks.

I’m engaged.”



I walk her home, and think of Trucker. Who wasn’t right.

I don’t smile.

It is the next night, and I am ready for uni-endorsed debauchery. I may even buy a drink. Di appears. And tells me to lose the leather jacket.

You’re out with Lady In Red tonight?”

Di stares at me. With apple-core-ing eyes.

I blush, and grab my funky hat.

An hour later we’re inside, and I have bought a drink. I smile. A badass. Like Bruce Willis. Or Bruce Forsyth.

We find a space, and groove. I see Pretty Girls, and invite them to join us.

They say no.

Oh. I head back to our corner, and pull out my special moves.

I’m amazing! Lady In Red laughs, and Pretty Girls stare with eyes of horror and lust.

I smile.

And decide.

If I’m going to pull at Freshers… the moment is now.

I jump up and down and wave my arms like a bird.

I smile, and wait for women to flock.

They don’t flock.

Oh. What the heck!? Trucker couldn’t have been more wrong!

I sigh, and go back to regular Dan-cing. When I see a guitarist I met yesterday. He joins us, and we dance; until he decides to scoot.

He shakes my hand.

And rubs my palm with his middle finger.


And whispers into my ear.

I’ve got a guitar if you want to come back to mine…”

Eep. What can I say? I need something good! Something in between ‘I’d love to!’ and ‘I’d really rather not!’ I am uncomfortable, but have an idea.

I gamble.

Sorry, I’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

He stares at me. Partying. At 3am.

Yeah, of course.”

He walks off, and Lady In Red smiles.

You pulled!”

I sigh. And text Trucker.

He texts back.

A winking smile.

Mother Trucker.


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