Running A Birthday Party

Posted: May 1, 2012 in Back To The Edge, Chawn

It is Thursday, and I am at The Edge. I am tonight’s Commander-in-Chief, which means I am fighting an army. Well. I’m fighting Big Boots and My Brother. But I am armed! Well. I have some rolled up paper. And a tray. We’re playing Tray & Stick, the classic game that I play at every opportunity to try and erase the memory of losing to a girl a fifth of my height when I was a young camper.

My tray is knocked out of my hand. I sigh, and take a seat. Next to Colin, who leans over.

This reminds me of your LifeFORCE fundraiser, Dan.”

I smile. That night. That brilliant night. When we played Tray & Stick. And 60 eggs were cracked over my head.

You know I’m turning 30 soon?”

Oh, yeah.”

Well I’m thinking of having a party.”


And I was wondering if you’d do some entertainment for me?”


You’ve seen how much I don’t like dancing. I want to do something different. Like an event, you know what I mean?”

I know what he means.

You up for it?”

My Brother drops his tray. I smile.

I’ll do it!”

Colin smiles and picks up My Brother’s tray. I smile, and watch him maul the Stokey Shoulder as I turn to My Brother.

“Colin’s just asked me to do some entertainment for his birthday party.”

Oh yeah, what are you gonna do?”

I smile.


I pause.

I stop smiling.

I have absolutely no idea what to do.

I don’t know! What could I do?”

I don’t know, Dan. Think about what Colin would like.”

Erm. A girl?”

Probably, yeah but I don’t think he’s gonna want that kind of party.”

What? A party with girls?”

Well… yeah.”

Fair point.”

Don’t worry about it, Dan. You’ll think of something.”

I go home, and think about him, and find my brain suggesting all the DAB Productions movies I’ve made about him, like The Edge World Cup, where Colin made the crucial shot. Although I’m not sure if that actually happened. Hang on… I really don’t know anything about Colin’s life before I met him! I’m stuck. I decide to do what I always do in these situations.

I ask Big Boots.

Who has no idea.

What about Colin’s journeys?”

Where to?”

No, those films you made with stock footage of Colin and then used subtitles to make into a story.”

I’m not sure those stories actually happened.”

He shrugs.

“Don’t worry, Dan. You’ll think of something.”

I am sitting in Colin’s birthday hall when Colin bursts into the room like a dizzy child bursting into a room and running into the floor.

Thanks a lot for this, Dan!”

No problem, Col! I just hope you enjoy it!”

Are you gonna tell me what you’ve got planned?”

No, but I will tell you that I’m gonna prémiére Colin’s Journey 3.”

He smiles.


DAB Productions’ latest movie finishes to bemused reactions as the next event begins. With music. With a theme tune! From Blind Date. I force Colin to take a seat and give him some pre-prepared questions to ask my pre-selected potential lovelies. Hayley. Young Alice. Big Boots. The first question goes to Hayley. Colin reads it out.

Where would you go for a first date?”

Hayley smiles.

I’d take you for a curry, because I like it hot.

Colin is 30. Hayley is 16. I laugh. On my own.

It’s all gone very quiet.

It’s probably fine. The dating continues and Colin makes his choice before walking into the lack of sunset with his gorgeous gal. Big Boots.

I announce the next event.

Tray & Stick. It goes well, and people are suddenly animated, enjoying the game! I smile. If they like this, they are going to love what’s next. I run into the middle of the game wearing a grey wig and holding a red book. As more music emerges.

Colin! This is your life!”

The crowd looks confused and annoyed as I interrupt the game and make them sit back down while I make up Colin’s life story including his legendary goal in The Edge World Cup and those famous journeys. I also bring in people from his past played by Hayley, Young Alice and Big Boots in wigs.

It is brilliant.

It is a few weeks later. And I am at The Edge discussing how a game called Millar or Muller could work when I see Colin.

Really enjoyed your birthday the other night Col!”


D’you think you’ll have another party next year?”

I smile.

He looks at me.



He smiles.

And puts on Colin’s Journey 3.


The Edge World Cup 


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