Children’s TV Show Idea

Posted: August 2, 2011 in Chawn, The World Needs More Canada

I have had an idea.


A great idea. An idea that may or may not make me a million pounds!


What about… a cat-guitar?!


An animal that’s half made of a cat, and half a guitar. It has the head, arms and legs of a cat, and body of an electric guitar. And it can teleport itself anywhere in the world by strumming itself. Each different chord sends it somewhere different in the world.


There are 7 letters in music. A – G.  There are 7 continents in the world.


I think.


Europe, North America, South America. Africa. Asia. Australasia, Antarctica. Hang on. What about Central America? Or the Caribbean? Or The Arctic? Or Scotland? Hmm.


Ok. I didn’t want to do this, but I’ll include sharps and flats.


Now, sharps are flats. Which is weird if you’re a house-hunting litter picker. Importantly though, it means we now have 14 chords! And 14 world regions. Except B# and E# don’t exist.


Sort of.


So we have 12 regions. Let’s see.


A – Europe

A# – N. America

B – C. America

C – S. America

C# – Caribbean and all the little bits

D – Africa

D# – The Middle East

E – Australasia

F – Antarctica

F# – The Arctic

G – Britain

G# – Outer Space


Cat-Guitar (or ‘Catar’) can strum any of those chords and teleport there to stop crime. He would definitely stop crime. And wear a hat.


Actually it can’t be called Catar, because it might accidentally bribe Fifa. What about Acoustic-Meow? Nah. Pick-Paws? Even more nah.


Hang on!


Fender-Cat! Amazing! Though now he needs to be sponsored by Fender. Which is just fine! This would make an incredible kids TV show! He could have a bunch of mates who are all animal/musical instrument hybrids. For example….




Hippo-Trombone! (or hip-bone!)


Hyena-Horn. Humm.


Rhino-Horn! Rhinehorn! Yes!


And finally… Bass-Mouse!


He’s a small bass guitar that sneaks into enemies’ houses and emits ridiculous bass making them lose control of their bowels! Of course Bass-Mouse would have scurried away long ago by this point. He could even be a baddie! He fears nothing! Except being eaten by Fender Cat! For we all know that Leo Fender mastered the electric bass. It works historically as well as in every way! You could also have cultural animals. Like an Indian character who’s part-sitar, part….


I don’t know any Indian animals. Indian elephant? Why not. He could have a flying carpet. Because what would be better than an elephant riding a flying carpet? He could be Fender-Cat’s Indian ally! He could have a German wolf mate named Hans because he eats human hands.


Or something less disturbing. Unless it’s a halloween episode, with the voice of Richard Moss.


You could have a Canadian Moose who plays the… timpanies! He’d be softly spoken but a real beefcake who can withstand avalanches. At some point Fender-Cat will have to hide underneath his belly to escape one, probably caused by the massive bass emitted by Bass-Mouse.


He could have two old cat parents who live in a cattery. They give him advice and one day let slip that Bass-Mouse is actually his brother, but that would have to wait for the third series, because the third series is always when they wreck a show. Cough! Prison Break! Sliders! Heroes!


No, I wasn’t really coughing, I was saying Prison Break, Sliders and Heroes. All I’m saying is there should be a spin-off starring Sara Tancredi and Prof. Maximilian Arturo as teachers training orphans to start revolution in East Anglia.


Anyway, back to Fender-Cat.


“So yeah. This is my idea.”


Jade stares at me.


As do the other girls I’m teaching guitar to in the Chawn youth.


“Dan, you have the imagination of a 5 year old!”


I smile.


And show them the pictures.



Excellent Acoustic Instrumental Piece by John Butler




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