Ignorance is bliss. Apparently. What about stupidity? A lesser form of bliss? The equivalent of a Maltesers ice cream? Or discovering a hilarious line from a cartoon you’re always quoting.

I’m so bad at this.

I don’t know if it was ignorance or stupidity that made me believe my teachers in school. In any case, I grew up with the bizarre notion that i was quite bright. Maybe I hung out with idiots? There was Phil. Doctor Phil. And Kieran. Kieran who works for IBM and drives a to-drool-for car. Ash? Looks like Tom Cruise. Is Tom Cruise that smart? He is quite short. Must have been that.

So when the time came, like every supposedly-aloof kid in England, I went off to college to be moulded into a great thinker. I wasn’t sure what the criteria is to be a great thinker. What if you’re a fast thinker? I’ve heard of some great thinkers but never been that impressed. Nietzche? He was just an early goth. Freud? I wish Freud had been born a woman. That would have shut him up. Definitely changed his handwriting.  Who could be somebody who truly embodies quality thinking? Someone to inspire? Someone to stick a picture of in the back of your planner and ask for advice? Someone who wasn’t born a great thinker, but had great thinking thrust upon him.

Got it.

I had the jamminess of ending up at a King Edwards College. Never has an interview been so dominated by Futurama references. Somehow, I was in. This marvellous institution of academia, training bright young sprogs to emulate great thinkers, men of prestige, icons of science, the arts, history, culture, civilisation, general studies…

General Studies.

I’d made the mistake of not quitting German earlier and with a dirty great U on my plate, ended up with no choice but to sit in the most random of all wastes of time, General Studies. If it ever got too bad I could open the back of my planner and gaze upon my hero. The man whose greatness of thought I would one day hope to copy and paste as my own.

Few other students had learnt through the unexpected lesson of failing German that they were severely over-rated. I had been humbled. So in one lesson when the topic hot-footed it like a ADD kid’s thoughts from Bubblewrap Creation Mechanics to The Bible I was aggrieved when one girl outlandishly spouted (copy and pasting) the rehashed idea that The Bible was ‘full of contradictions’ and therefore a waste of time.

I whipped my battered lost-its’-covers-because-it’s-owned-by-Dan-Mohr bible from my bag onto the table with a bang that made sure all the attention was on me; (I may or may not have been completely humbled) thrust my bible at max speed across the table into the arms of ‘The Spout’ and simply said “Show me one.”


A truly great moment. I glance down at my planner and see my mentor mouthing the words.

“I love it when a plan comes together”.


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